Today i am taking a ‘music bath’, which means that I’ve pulled out some favorites and immersed myself in some loud tunes that I enjoy in order to relax.  Jason’s out at his hockey tournament (yep, I’m cheering from home) with Andrew, and Matthew and Tamara are out for the day so I have the whole house to myself, which rarely happens around here.  So I’ve made cupcakes, danced around, sang pretty loud and bad, and got some odds and ends done.  An “oldie but a goodie” came on and it made me stop and listen more closely.  You know when you hear a song that totally expresses where you are at the moment?  Somehow it is able to express what’s in your heart better than you ever could with words.  Music is so powerful like that; it can say things more clearly and with the emotion the words need more than you could ever express if you were to just say them.  I feel like this song (classic dc talk) talks about my life and desires this past week:

I keep trying to find a life
On my own, apart from You
I am the queen of excuses
I’ve got one for every selfish thing I do

What’s going on inside of me?
I despise my own behavior
This only serves to confirm my suspicions
That I’m still a girl in need of a Savior

I wanna be in the Light
As You are in the Light
I wanna shine like the stars in the heavens
Oh, Lord be my Light and be my salvation
Cause all I want is to be in the Light
All I want is to be in the Light

The disease of self runs through my blood
It’s a cancer fatal to my soul
Every attempt on my behalf has failed
To bring this sickness under control

Tell me, what’s going on inside of me?
I despise my own behavior
This only serves to confirm my suspicions
That I’m still a girl in need of a Savior

Honesty becomes me
[There's nothing left to lose]
The secrets that did run me
[In Your presence are defused]
Pride has no position
[And riches have no worth]
The fame that once did cover me
[Has been sentenced to this Earth]
Has been sentenced to this Earth

Tell me, what’s going on inside of me?
I despise my own behavior
This only serves to confirm my suspicions
That I’m still a girl in need of a Savior

[There's no other place that I want to be]
[No other place that I can see]
[A place to be that's just right]
[Someday I'm gonna be in the Light]

[You are in the Light]
[That's where I need to be]
[That's right where I need to be]

 

What a perfect picture to represent this concept of closeness with Jesus.  Yeah, I gotta get back there.  It’s so easy to talk about it, blog about it, read books about it, but why are we so so bad at doing it?  (I won’t say I’m the only bad one, I know I’m not alone on this one, but at the moment I really suck at it)  Is it laziness, lack of faith, my priorities, what? Now I’m just rambling.  No need to figure out why, only need to turn it around.  I’ll stop on this for now…